im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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