Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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