I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
