Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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