Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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