girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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