In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
