Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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