Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
