I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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