Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
