We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
