her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
no you cant smoke seaweed
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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