the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
