Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
