My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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