Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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