I met the friendliest cop last night
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I deserve this hangover.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
