How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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