she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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