All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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