So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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