MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
