I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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