Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
