Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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