she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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