She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize