he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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