you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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