Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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