I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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