I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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