My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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