Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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