By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
