Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
