how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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