his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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