Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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