she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
