Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
