her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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