I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
