It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
