What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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