i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
