Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
this hospital has no fireball
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
