New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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