Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
