During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize