The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
