just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he thought i was a dude.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
