Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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