Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i was born a porn star she said
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
