So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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