glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
