i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
