I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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