Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
