I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
