I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
is that a dick in a sweater?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
