Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
