i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Floor bacon is actually really good
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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