never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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