im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Randomize
