were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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