just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
