he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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