We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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