Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize