Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize