You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
