Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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