I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
