We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My liver is preforming stress tests.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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