Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
