I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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