i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
