So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
