just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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