the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
