I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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