Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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