I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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