Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
