I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
