Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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