No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just tell him i said nine months
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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