i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think I am morally bankrupt
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
