And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
